What is #projectrefriend ?

On Thanksgiving 2014, I posted the following message to my Facebook friends:



"In some way or another, you have touched my life during the journey.  I am committed to soon reconnect with every single one of you.  I know a couple of weeks ago people were touting an "unfriend" day in Social Media -- I think that's the wrong mindset to have.  I reached out to some people in the past couple of months that I haven't talked to in awhile and it was a positive experience.  Sometimes, people are just as afraid as you to reach out, so be the person that does.  Also, you don't know how you've touched the lives of others, so if you "unfriend" them, it could be hurtful when you mean more to someone than you think, even if you are out of touch.  I am thankful for my family.  I am thankful for my friends.  I am thankful for you.  #projectrefriend"  

Most of my life, I have had a problem reaching out to people that I haven't heard from in awhile.  I have told myself things that are absolute creations of my own thinking:

"They're probably too busy."  

"They probably don't remember me anyway."  

And the worst one of all, which I have said to myself more than any other:  "They probably don't care."  

Why I thought this way, I could not tell you, but I realized it was a problem because there were many people that touched my life that have drifted away from me.  I voiced this concern plenty, and I was always told that it was a natural way of life: "people just move on and do their own things.  That's life.  You can't stay friends with everyone forever."

I understand that people continue forward and live their own lives, but do they know their impact on others?  Do they know their impact on me?

I have learned over the years that people are truly AFRAID to reach out to others just as much as I was afraid to reach out.  People will go years missing someone without writing a letter or reaching for the phone because they fear that this person won't care.

It's amazing in this day and age where we are more connected than ever before that we are simultaneously just as disconnected.  I have a firm belief that Social Media, as great as it is, has tricked us into thinking that everyone is closer to us when in fact they are just as distant as they were before Social Media.  It's just this time, we only THINK we're connected because we see what they're doing.  What they're having for lunch.  Who they're marrying or breaking up with.  What they received as gifts for the Holidays.  We FEEL connected to these people because we see what they're doing through photos and video.

Ask yourself when the last time you actually connected with this person.  The answer may surprise you.

November 17th, 2014, people talked about National Unfriend Day, a day to unfriend those who were "clogging their friends list" or "didn't matter" because they posted stuff that wasn't interesting or annoying to them.  The idea came from a video on the Jimmy Kimmel Live YouTube Channel, where Mr. Kimmel's intention is for people to share the video on others Facebook walls as a warning that they will soon be unfriended for a list of annoying Social Media habits.  The video is intended to be comical, but posting such a video on someone's wall is arguably hurtful, especially if this is your first contact with the person in awhile.

That's why I am launching my own personal project I like to call #projectrefriend.  During this project, , I will be doing the following:

1.)  Reaching out to every single person on my friend's list, no matter how long or not I've talked with them, and acknowledging their impact on my life, big or small. 

2.)  Encourage others on my Social Media pages to reach out to someone else; at the very least, one person that they truly miss and want to reconnect with, and acknowledge their impact.

Doing such a thing creates extreme vulnerability, but it is the only way that others know that you are sincere and genuine.  I will do this for every friend on my friend's list until its completion.  I do not expect others to reach out to everyone on their friend's list too, but if I influence you to reach out to at least one person that you miss and haven't talked to in years, even if they aren't on Facebook anymore, I think I will have made a difference.  And please, hold yourself accountable and let me know when you do it and share your story with me.  I'm happy to hear it.

What about the people that you barely know that are on your Facebook friends list?  You know, the ones that you met at a party or other social function one time and added them the next day.  Reach out and see what happens.  Reconnect.  Make a new friend that's already there.  It could open doors, new opportunities, and most importantly, lasting friendships.  You'll never know until you do it.

#projectrefriend

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The Blue Iguana

In the spirit of Halloween, I recount a bad dream I had yesterday during a nap.

I was outside at some social function with many people I know.  At this point, what the function was has slipped my memory, but familiar faces were there: coworkers from my day job, friends, some family members, and others.  It seemed like a positive environment.

Spending most of my time with me was a girl from work, but she went off to do what not and I ended up alone.  It was at this time that a blue Iguana showed up.  I remember stopping in fear of it.  It was definitely an Iguana, but much larger than they actually are -- I'd say this one was the size of a small dog.  It looked similar to this, but with spikes on its head:

Now, it was at this point it spat a venom like acid at me, catching my right arm.  It definitely burned, but I didn't bother to look at the injury.  I just started running.  My heart -- racing.  The Iguana moved quickly with lightning speed.  It's focus was on me and only me.  I could tell its focus was set on me, and there wasn't much room to escape.

I caught up with the girl from work, and told her that a blue lizard was chasing me.  At this point, it was nowhere to be seen.  I showed her my forearm, where the injury appeared as charred skin, as if my arm had been on fire. She became extremely worried, and the Iguana appeared and immediately spat venom on her.  She started melting, with mucus spewing from her eyes and nose.

With her screams of agony, I woke up.

The rest of the day I thought about this dream, wondering what it could possibly mean.  There are plenty of websites on the internet that describe what certain symbols in dreams could represent.  I thought about all of the symbols in this dream: being chased, being injured (by acid / venom), the blue iguana / lizard and my coworker being horrifically killed by it, her death being censored from my awakening.

From these websites, I gathered some tidbits to ponder:

Being Chased:  Richard Nicoletti, J.D., a psychotherapist trained at the Jung Institute in Boston said in this Huffington Post article that being chased means that you're "being told by your unconsciousness that you're avoiding an issue or a person."  DreamDictionary.org says that "Psychologists tend to think that “chase dreams” occur when we are unable to cope with our fears and have trouble facing reality."

So being chased essentially is running away from a problem that is occurring in real life.  A fear.  Immediately I think about the dream and ask, "why a blue Iguana? Also, it was able to hurt me and leave me in pain."

Being Injured:  Where was I injured?  My right arm, burnt with lizard venom.  Dreammoods.com says "To dream that your arm has been injured, signifies your inability to care for yourself or your helplessness in reaching out to others. You may have been feeling limited and restricted in terms of your freedom or activities.  The right arm signifies your outgoing nature and is associated with masculine energy."

The Iguana:  Dreammoods.com says, "To see an iguana in your dream represents harshness, cold-heartedness or fierceness. You approach situations or problems with both hostility and unstoppable determination. The iguana may also remind you of someone or some situation in your waking life that you find frightening yet awe inspiring."

Harshness, cold-heartedness, or fierceness.  Why blue?  What does the color blue represent in dreams?

Blue:   "Blue represents truth, wisdom, heaven, eternity, devotion, tranquility, loyalty and openness. Perhaps you are expressing a desire to get away. The presence of this color in your dream may symbolize your spiritual guide and your optimism of the future. You have clarity of mind. Alternatively, the color blue may also be a metaphor for "being blue" and feeling sad."

Now, I know firsthand that dream dictionaries are usually not scientifically accurate.  In the Psychology community, they would most likely be dismissed in a heartbeat although they do vaguely utilize some of Sigmund Freud's theories, such as symbolism in dreams.  Regardless of how accurate any of this really is -- things stand out to me.  A blue Iguana chased me and spat a venom on my arm.  Being chased is a symbol of not being able to cope with fears. Am I afraid of the Iguana?  If the Iguana represents harshness or fierceness, it is definitely something to be afraid of, but it does not explain what the Iguana could actually represent.  The color blue could represent some positive features: a spiritual guide, optimism for the future.  Why would this hurt me?

My right arm was injured.  This supposedly represents my inability to take care of myself and helplessness in reaching out to others.  THIS stands out to me because I have had this problem for a long time.  Even this month, when I wanted to reach out to people when I said I would, I have not -- out of fear.  I have to be honest with myself.


I remember in Psychology that Carl Jung didn't really buy into Freud's theories, but said in his subjective approach that aspects of dreams could all represent parts of us that we didn't think could be parts of us.  The blue Iguana could present a part of me.  My optimism for the future and fierce determination to get there can be meaningless if I cannot ask others for help.  The Iguana chasing me could represent me running from my responsibilities.  Maybe I'm not manning up as much as I should be.  Maybe I'm not facing my problems first hand to be as strong as the Iguana, which represents the powerful strength that lives within.  Possibly thinking that the Iguana could hurt me, could possibly be a fear of success - a fear of being my most powerful self.  Like, if I cannot face the Blue Iguana, I cannot be who I want to become.  I need to do whatever it takes to be the person I strive to be in this life, but I must do it with the help of those I trust.  I can't do it alone.

I wasn't alone in my dream though.  What about seeing my coworker burning from the venom?  I almost forgot about that...

Seeing someone burn to death:  "You are being consumed by your own ambition." 

Honestly, that might say it all.

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The Journey Begins Today

"Well, here we are."

That's something my Grandma used to say when I was a kid while we sat together during mornings, sipping coffee.  It was her saying, and I loved when she said it back then and looking back, I love it much more now.  It made me realize that my Grandma loved being in the moment.  She loved just being there, reading the newspaper, flipping through the advertisements on all of the stuff she wanted to buy at the grocery store or Walgreens.  "Oh, two for a dollar.  That's not bad.  You like tootsie rolls?  We'll get 'em."

She just liked being there with me.

Being in the moment is something I need to remind myself to do very often.  So often in fact, that if I don't, I can easily get caught up with worrying about the future.  I've always been future focused, and in a sense that's fine.  I believe it's good to have a solid foundation in planning and preparation, but there is such a thing as tunnel vision.  One can become so focused on tomorrow that today is often overlooked.  There are many times I remember seeing the date and thinking, "What?  How is it already Monday?  How is it already October?  How is it already 2014?"  Hell, 2014 is already on the way out soon.  How did that happen?

Does it matter how it happened?  No.  Time continues to move forward and all we can do is live a life that is truly meaningful to us to the best of our ability.  To be true to ourselves.  To do what we want to do and be who we want to be, regardless of what anyone else says.

I want to make a feature film.  Well, feature film(s), but let's start with the first one.  It's been a long time coming.  I'll find a way to do it, even if I don't make it for that much money.  Even if I have to pay everyone except myself. I just want to make something.  Time moves much too quickly, and I'm very aware of it.  The time is now.

I'm writing this from the top of my head right now.  My sister set this blog up for me and I am grateful for that, as I wanted yet another place to express myself that others may enjoy if they please (I also do free writing before I ever start working on my screenwriting, just to get into a writing flow.  This free writing is usually unedited and more like a journal, which I don't share with anyone.  It's for my eyes only -- unless I choose to share some of those pages here in the future).

At this present moment, I have no idea what this blog is going to be about, or what its purpose will serve, if any.  I've read in plenty of blogging advice columns that one should have a theme to a blog.  Will I only talk about movies?  Probably not.  Maybe my theme is whatever I want to talk about on any given day.  Maybe a theme will appear over time.  Who knows...

I'll just live in the moment.  Take things day by day.  Like Grandma, I can smile and proclaim, "here we are."

If I can do that, I think I'll be okay.

- A.G.

photo credit: Express Monorail via photopin cc

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